PATRICKTIONARY

Lame Expressions

2010-06-08T18:56:00.000-07:00

Whole 'Nuther & Exact Same

Do you know someone who feels compelled to say 'Tuna Fish"?

This is a kin to the two characters mentioned in the title.

These sadly popular expressions produce the same redundant jabber that refer to a food with a needless affectation.

Whole 'Nuther? or This is a whole 'nuther kind of canned fish. Wouldn't just saying another have done the job?

Exact Same? How does one achieve more sameness than being the same? This is a shortening of the exaggeration "exactly the same." Some people need to describe a wet person as "soaking wet", but to me wet is wet, you are no longer dry.

Leave these sayings behind, they nothing for your speech, unless you are seeking some sort of minimum word quantity requirement.

The Worst Word: Polyp

2010-04-13T13:17:00.000-07:00

There is really more than one worst word, as contradictory as it may seem. I recognize that this is a subjective argument. While this document is generous in spirit, it is not democratic in nature. Many a term, word or resident of the dictionary might fit this station but for now, this is my candidate.

Some will choose Cancer, Teenager, or Abortion. Others will have reasons for completely benign names and labels, that for some personal reason, just hit the wrong note on their tuning fork.

None of them hit as many bad notes with as many instruments as the word of the day.

Definition: A usually non-malignant growth or tumour protruding from the mucous lining of an organ such as the nose, bladder, or intestine, often causing obstruction.

For an amalgam of criteria:
For the malignancy it figuratively or indirectly represents,
For the fact that its presence is usually found in a discussion about your colon, and by extension someone else's presence in your colon.
For its surprisingly unappealing appearance. Doesn't it just look lob-sided and incomplete?

Polyp is gross. Polyp is the worst.

Because it's the worst doesn't mean it should be gone. This is not intended to invoke some form of banishment. In fact, I'm a big believer in celebrating the sour for making the sweet taste sweet.

Someone has to sit at the back of the bus. That unfortunate person has to sit next to this word.

Final's Warnings

2010-03-19T12:07:00.000-07:00

Even the smartest people I know loose track of this simple rule.

Words that end with S's...

Posessive: If it belongs to the word, the noun, or the person, then so does the apostrophe.

Plural: If there's more than one than it gets an S. That's all it gets. Simple.

Exceptions: Above I used an Apostrophe after the single letter 'S' to denote a plural. This exception is used because a single letter is obviously not a word... basically a bunch of rules are being broken here.

and Its & It's - Scroll Down

English'S ruleS can be so simple, when you lets them.

Lame Expressions

2010-03-01T17:39:00.000-08:00

This expression makes little sense to me.

“Looking to see.”

As in: “I’m looking to see how many calories are in this toaster pastry.”

This is a redundant statement. As common as it might be, it makes no sense when you think about it. You see every time you look, you don’t need to remind us of that.

Our spoken word deserves some discipline.

Let’s try to attempt to curb the repetitive repetition.

Famous People Say The Darndest Things

2010-01-03T07:20:00.000-08:00

I think I love every single thing old Langhorn ever said. He must have been awesome at cocktail parties.

"The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug."

Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

How To Use a Semi-Colon

2009-12-06T17:27:00.000-08:00

The dreaded winking colon.

Believe it or not, it's not just a sassy way to end a text message.

; has 2 main purposes:

1. It connects two Independent Clauses

Two Independent Clauses that can stand alone as two sentences; a semi-colon allows you two connect them without a conjunction(and, but, or...), and saves you from using a colon, which is WRONG.

Example: Review the above.

2. It acts as a Super-Colon

Hold your poop jokes. If you have a written list that contains commas within the items, the semi-colon can be used to make the list easier to comprehend.

Example: "The following dates have no significance to me: April 2, 1986; September 14, 1982; November 5, 1955; December 12, 2012."

Follow these two principles and you will avoid my ridicule, impress your friends, and give this sassy punk-tuation more to do than just emote in your texts when you probably should be calling anyway.

Shine That Turd - Superfluous

2009-11-15T08:15:00.000-08:00

If your verbal diet is all hamburgers, why not step out for a T-Bone?

Word: Superfluous

Definition: adjective - Being more than is sufficient or required; excessive.

Example: Big, handsome words may seem superfluous, but appearing smarter than the guy who just says 'extra' is absolutely essential.

The Who's Who of Whom

2009-11-10T16:21:00.000-08:00

There is probably more confusion over the use of this little word than there are colons and brackets on a teenager's phone. Some think it’s an ancient pronoun that was last used alongside Shakespeare’s thee and thou, some think of it as an optional affectation, like pronouncing ‘schedule’ without the ‘c’. Others think of it as one of the tortuously confusing aspects of our language best left alone.

Here’s how Whom works:

Whom is the object of a verb – “Whom did you call?”

Who is the subject of a verb – “Who took my jelly beans?”

Here’s the Trick: If you can replace the who/whom in question with he or she, it is the subject of the sentence and therefore gets a who. If him or her sounds more appropriate than you have yourself the object of the sentence, and this is when you want to drop your whom bomb on ‘em.

Famous People Saying Smart Things

2009-11-08T13:41:00.000-08:00

Okay, we knew the smartest guy ever must have said a few smart things.

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

Albert Einstein 1879 - 1955

Superwords - Bollocks

2009-11-08T12:59:00.000-08:00

Some words are better than others (See the Shine That Turd entries). Some words are better than the ones around them, they do more, say more, more often.

Bollocks

This gift from the United Kingdom operates as a noun, adjective, verb, and expletive, and it usually sounds really cool as it's cursed out in a British accent.

Isn't it great that these great words always turn out to be swears?

Do the ears around you a favour and use a Superword today.

Shine That Turd - Gregarious

2009-11-03T17:50:00.000-08:00

Because I don't want to be the only one using these words.

Word: Gregarious

Definition: adjective - Seeking and enjoying the company of others; sociable.

Example: A killer vocabulary is an excellent tool for those gregarious types.

Famous People Saying Smart Things

2009-11-03T17:42:00.000-08:00

I was going to say this, but he lived first.

The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.

Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

How To Not Suck With Words

2009-11-03T17:25:00.000-08:00

I want more people to stop sucking at the written word.

How to use It's in Its right place.

Most of the time an 'S indicates a possessive statement, except with It's, when it's a contraction meaning It Is. Its possessive version is... Its.

Here's the trick: Sound it out. If the sentence can also be said, "It Is easy to do the English stuff," then you know, "It's easy." Otherwise, Its place is as Its.

Do not get this wrong ever again.

Shine That Turd - Ubiquitous

2009-11-01T14:42:00.000-08:00

Why use smart words? Because no one is going to prove you don't know what the hell you're talking about if they don't know what the hell you're saying.

Word: Ubiquitous

Definition: adjective - Being or seeming to be everywhere at the same time; omnipresent.

Example: Everywhere I look I see (insert pop-idol pisshead du jour) They're friggin' Ubiquitous!

Shine That Turd - Innocuous

2009-11-01T13:41:00.000-08:00

Slip this shiny bit of bullcrap into your daily verbal bowel movements and watch people start shoveling what you're selling.

Word: Innocuous

Definition: adjective - Not likely to irritate or offend; inofensive; an innocuous remark.

Replaces: Harmless

Example: Though it can be tricky, learning new words is largely innocuous.

Famous People Saying Smart Things

2009-11-01T12:48:00.000-08:00

Why do famous people say all the good stuff?

Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to?

Clarence Darrow (1857 - 1938) Famous Litigator